Protect Your Time, Energy, and Sanity with These Simple Phrases
Set boundaries without feeling like a jerk
I have a confession: I'm terrible at saying no. Part of it is genuine enthusiasm, and part of it is that classic people-pleasing instinct—you know, not wanting to let anyone down. Maybe you can relate, or maybe you're just “asking for a friend.”
Here's the thing though: if you want to avoid burnout and truly be there for the people in your life, you need boundaries. Clear ones. In fact, the people around you need you to have boundaries, whether they realize it or not.
We hear about boundaries all the time, but when you're in the moment, what do you actually say? I went digging through various resources, including “These Are the 8 Types of Boundaries We Should All Be Setting,” looking for practical phrases I might actually remember. I'm sharing them here not as a script to memorize, but as inspiration for finding your own voice.
Quick note: These all fall under “assertive communication.” Unlike passive or aggressive approaches (which try to control others through manipulation or force), assertive communication is just about being clear. Pro tip: Keep your cool when delivering these. People tend to dismiss “emotional” responses, so staying calm actually makes your message stronger. For a deeper dive into this, check out When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy.
1. Physical Boundaries
Your personal space and physical well-being are paramount. Here are some phrases to use when someone gets too close to you or touches you when you don’t want that kind of attention.
“I need some personal space; please step back.”
“I prefer not to be touched without my consent.”
“I'm not comfortable with physical displays of affection in public.”
2. Emotional Boundaries
Protecting your emotional health involves managing the extent to which you engage with others' feelings and how you allow others to engage with yours. If you’re like me, you like to provide that kind of support, but sometimes doing so goes beyond your capacity. Likewise, sometimes a well-meaning person may push you (and by “you” I mean “me”) to express emotions before you’re ready. These may help.
“I understand you're upset, but I can't provide support right now.”
“I need time to process my own emotions before discussing this further.”
“This topic is triggering for me; let's change the subject.”
3. Time Boundaries
Here’s the big one for me. I care for our disabled daughter and my partially disabled wife while trying to live my own life and honor my own needs. Time is my most precious resource. I’ll bet it’s yours, too. Time spent on things you do not value can never be recovered. Here's how to safeguard it.
“I can dedicate 30 minutes to this meeting.” (You have to mean this.)
“I'm unavailable on [fill in the day]; let's schedule this for another day.” (No need to explain. You’re unavailable. Period.)
“I need to prioritize my tasks; I can't take on additional responsibilities right now.”
4. Intellectual Boundaries
Do you think this is a special challenge in our polarized society right now? Oh, yeah! Respecting differing viewpoints and protecting your own intellectual space is crucial. Try these on.
“I respect your opinion; however, I have a different perspective.”
“I prefer not to engage in debates about personal beliefs.”
“Let's agree to disagree on this topic.”
5. Material Boundaries
Pushy neighbor wanting to use your lawnmower again? Sister “borrows” your clothes without asking? Adult child assumes you will loan money? Yikes. Managing your possessions and financial resources requires clear communication.
“I don't lend out my personal belongings.”
“I'm not in a position to contribute financially to this cause.”
“Please ask before using my equipment.”
6. Conversational Boundaries
This is worth considering separately. It includes elements of boundaries we’ve already discussed, but is more general—almost about establishing a habitual pattern rather than specific boundary areas. Guiding the flow of discussions can prevent discomfort.
“I'd rather not discuss my personal life at work.”
“This subject makes me uncomfortable; can we talk about something else?”
“This feels like gossip, and I don't find that productive; let's focus on positive topics.”
7. Relationship Boundaries
Sometimes other people make assumptions about the nature of your relationship that can lead to discomfort. Without a clear boundary here, you may contribute to someone turning into an energy vampire without even realizing it. Defining the parameters of your relationships ensures mutual respect.
“I need some alone time to recharge; it's not about you.”
“I value our relationship, but I require boundaries to maintain my well-being.”
“Let's set expectations that work for both of us.”
8. Technological Boundaries
This is a relatively new area, and so we don’t have many cultural norms here. In our digital age, managing technological interactions has become vital.
“I don't respond to work emails after 7 PM.”
“Please don't tag me in photos without my permission.”
“I prefer to keep my social media profiles private.”
Implementing these phrases can empower you to maintain control over various aspects of your life, leading to healthier interactions and a more balanced existence. Remember, setting boundaries is not about building walls but about defining spaces where you can thrive.
For more insights on effective communication and personal development, visit King's Chronicles.
Check out my books for supporting you in valuing your life at DonnKing.com/Books.
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