Donn King discovered a book by poet Ross Gay entitled The Book of Delights. It has inspired him to post a daily thought sparked by noticing something (or some things) delightful, thereby fostering joy. May it inspire you to notice also.
Today’s post is a slight variance. Instead of looking at specific sense-oriented delights, I’m sharing what I’m finding to be a delightful idea that I have been developing.
This began from a post on NotePD. The site has several features, one of which is the ability to post a challenge that other listers can respond to. I noticed one from Xiaojian (JJ) Deng about using a technique called The Five Why’s to find the root cause of a problem.
I’m not arguing with him on his challenge. In fact, I would agree with the basic premise behind the technique, which is to keep digging to get to a root cause. I'm not responding to the challenge, though, because I personally have found that you can go five deep and still not surface the "real" issue.
Below is the heart of a methodology that harnesses something anyone who has raised a child knows. A three-year-old will not stop asking why until they reach a level that satisfies them, and there are clues to finding a satisfying level in your digging up of "whys." I am working on a book about this called Your Three-Year-Old Why. (If you would like updates, use this form.)
Pretty much everyone in business has heard Simon Sinek's idea that you should "start with why" rather than "what we do" or "how we do it" or "how much is it going to cost." The 5 Whys is a solid technique that can help you discover your core "why." Turbo charge it with an understanding of these guidelines.
Look for the “so that”
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side, of course. But nobody ever asks why the chicken wanted to get to the other side. Maybe she has hungry chicks over there. Maybe that’s where the food is. Keep asking.
What’s the result you’re seeking? People don’t buy drills, they buy holes. Not only that—they don’t buy holes, they buy hanging Grandma’s picture.
Look for the emotion
Without emotion there is no motion. They don't want just to hang Grandma's picture. They want to hang Grandma's picture because she died last year and they miss her. An actual three-year-old may finally be satisfied when they know the motivation (another way of saying what moves you). They won't call it that, but when they finally hear some emotion, they may understand why you care.
Simple fact: unless I am moved, I do not move.
Look for the lightbulb
The aha moment. It is what humor and education have in common, when you put two ideas together that initially you may not have thought of together. It's a certain sort of emotion, really. A bit of excitement of, "Oh! I never thought of it that way before!"
Look for the story
Early answers to “why” are often short. The eventual story tends to go deep. How did stories start when you were three? “Once upon a time.” Hint: they still do. Stories are specific, concrete, and focused on "one time this happened." They're not just a timeline, i.e., this happened, then this happened, etc. Stories involve a focal character facing a challenge or conflict and changing in the process.
Why do you want a drill? To make a hole. Why? So I can hang Grandma's picture. Why? She died last year, and I miss her. Why do you miss her? "Well, she always looked on the bright side. I remember one time at the family Christmas gathering...."
Bingo. There's a "why" that resonates. You may only have to go three deep, or you may have to keep digging for awhile. But this process combined by the principle of continuing to dig will help you find a core “why” that has power.
Donn King is The Confidence Cultivator. He is a professor of communication studies (which means “a professor of standing up in front of people and saying stuff”). He’s also a pastor, a speaker, a writer, and a communication coach. He works with professionals and leaders just like you who want to speak confidently so they can increase their impact, gain influence, and build their careers. Send email to donn at donnellking dot com if you would like to see if he could help you communicate with greater confidence.