I have started reading a book by poet Ross Gay entitled The Book of Delights. It has inspired me to take up a little different sort of writing than usual, making use of NotePD to generate ideas and then using them to post a daily thought sparked by noticing something delightful.
Everyone needs delight, but our current culture doesn’t encourage it. I have a particular need for it, though I share that need with thousands, maybe millions, of people. My counselor not only says I deal with depression, but it is characterized by anhedonia. That’s a technical term that means I take pleasure in nothing, really. Nothing sounds like fun, or at least worth the effort.
But I’ve noticed that when I spend significant time in meditation each day, I do take delight in simple things. I believe that is the first step in recovering a sense of life, a sense of fun. It takes a conscious choice to notice these things when you’re dealing with depression, and so I have decided to follow the lead of Ross Gay in deciding to notice delightful things.
This newsletter “started” back in March, and then never did anything further. That, too, was a symptom. I have spent over 40 years helping people to communicate effectively and confidently, and I started (or intended to start) this newsletter to foster that. I still intend to talk about that, because it is my particular contribution to helping people live more effectively. As I often say, connection before content. It doesn't mean the content doesn't matter. It means that without the connection, the content won't matter.
So I have always focused on effective connection.
But you can’t effectively connect to others when you are not effectively connected to yourself. Through life challenges going on for at least 20 years, slowly wearing away like an old golf pencil, I have lost that connection. Maybe you have too. Research shows the pandemic, with its isolation and other challenges, exacerbating the loneliness and disconnection we were all feeling even before the pandemic.
I don’t want to spend much time on the theoretical. I’m looking at practical ways to foster connection, contentment, confidence, and yes, even joy. So I invite you to come along with me as I write about simple, everyday delights in hopes that it will help you experience more delight in your own life.
The focus on effective communication will move to our sister publication, The Confidence Cultivator, which will start publishing just as soon as I recover my zeal for the topic. If ever. That way, King’s Chronicle can be a much more personal connection for us as you read here.
Here’s what I’m noticing on Day 1. As I write this, it is appropriate to note that it is Transfiguration Sunday.
1: Girl Scouts lemon cookie
I think a lot of my delights, especially early ones, will revolve around food. I have found even when I'm struggling with anhedonia, even when I don't have the energy or the caring to fix myself something to eat, I can still appreciate the taste of food that I might manage to make despite the lethargy, or food that is acquired with little effort (like from a drive-through or a sit-down restaurant). Food is probably my easiest gateway to delight. For this one, my wife offered to share one of her newly-acquired Girl Scout cookies. She didn't think they tasted all that lemony, but I ate it slowly (key to delight) and thoroughly enjoyed it.
2: Cheesecake
I bought two slices from the grocery store deli last week. I ate one of them and forgot about the other. Imagine my delight at discovering the second slice in the refrigerator a little while ago!
3: The Apostles' Creed
For these purposes, it doesn't matter if you are religious or not. You may be able to relate to my delight when in church this morning we recited together the Apostles' Creed. I didn't grow up with that, and so it is a conscious matter to me, not just empty ritual. Today it seemed to carry extra meaning.
4: Back roads home
Murphy's Law played havoc with my morning routine. I have a favored route to church, but without warning the highway department decided to close a major bridge. It required major rerouting. I usually arrive 45 minutes before church because reasons, but this rerouting delayed me by a full half hour. Sure, I still got there 15 minutes before the start time, but that didn't leave me enough time to get ready. The delight aspect came from the return trip. Because I knew about the traffic fiasco, I took back roads home. With no particular time to have to get home, I enjoyed the leisurely drive.
5: Affectionate cat
We have an old cat. We're really bad with time, so we're not completely sure how old. But if we have properly associated his joining our household with other events of known timeframe, he could be as old as 19 or 20. He can be a real pain the butt, since he has the usual cat sense of caring exactly zero for what else we might need to do than take care of his wants. The president and the pope could be in the living room sipping tea while being broadcast to a national TV audience, and the cat would be like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, president and pope, whatever. Feed me. Today when I got home, he demanded feeding (as usual), and then hopped up on the chair beside me and gently patted my leg with a paw. It was probably just, Hey, stop working and pet me. But it could also have been him petting me. Not sure, but I still took delight in his desire to be as close to me as possible. While I work, he lays right beside me with his head up again my leg, seemingly content just to be in my presence—at least until he gets hungry again.
Donn King is The Confidence Cultivator. He is a professor of communication studies (which means “a professor of standing up in front of people and saying stuff”). He’s also a pastor, a speaker, a writer, and a communication coach. He works with professionals and leaders just like you who want to speak confidently so they can increase their impact, gain influence, and build their careers. Reach out to donn at donnellking dot com if you would like to see if he could help you communicate with greater confidence.