Interview with Dan Roberts
The first part of this newsletter has focused on some useful insight into something to do with effective communication or living your values. This issue, we have the first in a series of interviews. They’re not the kind of interviews that fit “The Alignment Show,” my podcast featuring conversations with people living their values to value their lives, but I think readers will benefit as well as find them interesting. The series will comprise conversations with people you meet in one or more of the books in The Sparklight Chronicles, a series of business parables that use fiction to engagingly present nonfiction principles and ideas.
Right now, two books in that series have already published, with two more in the works. Some people you’ll hear from are major characters, and we’ll learn more about them. Others are people who don’t get a lot of attention in the books, but whose story will encourage and enlighten you. We won’t have an interview every issue, but they’ll show up as we’re able to have the underlying conversations.
Let me know if you like the interview idea! Easiest way to do so is through comments (if you’re reading on Substack) or hit reply (if you’re reading in email).
Echoes of Inquiry
A Conversation About Insights
Today, we’re talking with Dan Roberts, the central character in The Way of the Three-Year-Old Why, a key character in Medium Well: The Journey from Believing to Believing In, and a minor character in the upcoming Real Speak.
Dan retired from teaching college a few years ago and sought to build a career as a professional speaker. His daughter’s severe disability interfered with those plans, and with the support of a mysterious mentor, he went through a journey of self-discovery in which he realized and remembered what mattered most to him as a focal point in his life. We lightly edited this transcript for conversational flow.
Donn: Thanks for being here with us today, Dan. What led you to engage in the journey we see in The Way of the Three-Year-Old Why?
Dan: Like a lot of our readers, I faced a difficult time in life that led me to question my purpose for being here. Obviously, family matters to me, more than almost anything—otherwise I would have abandoned them to pursue career objectives. You and I both know that some people make that choice, whether or not they have a disabled child. But pretty much everyone has a family, whether it’s a traditional family or a chosen one. The dilemma didn’t concern career too much, but what made my heart sing. It happened that I had a mentor show up in an unusually explicit way to help me with that.
Donn: Why do you think such a mentor showed up for you? Are you special in some way?
Dan: I might be especially hard-headed! I can’t prove it, but I believe we all have guidance in our lives, and most of us don’t need someone to show up the way Callie did for me—the guidance can work at a much more subtle level. I’m hoping that by sharing my story, people will see the support and guidance we all have in our lives. I think Callie came forward as she did, because that was the best way to get my attention.
Donn: Life has a way of getting our attention, doesn’t it?
Dan: Oh, man, does it ever!
Donn: So, how does Callie fit in with some of the other people in your life?
Dan: No spoilers! Let’s just say I’m very glad she helped connect us to Skye Jackson. She’s made such a difference to us, and especially to my daughter, Hope.
Donn: What about your wife, Grace? My understanding is that she left a note for Grace, and you still don’t know what was in it.
Dan (after a long pause): I don’t know what was in it. I know it made a big difference to Grace, and that’s all that matters to me. If and when she’s ready, she’ll share it with me, and it’s OK if that day never comes. Even though we share everything… it’s just not time yet. But it made a difference.
Donn: What do you think is the most important lesson you have learned so far?
Dan: Ask me again tomorrow, and you’ll get a different answer! After all, I’m still learning. But at the moment, I think this: if you prioritize making money, you may or may not make money, but you’ll probably be dissatisfied regardless—and, honestly, I believe it decreases your odds of making good money, though it works for some. On the other hand, if you put identifying your values first and seek to live them out, you will find life more satisfying, and I think it increases your odds of making good money, though there are no guarantees. As our friend Bob Burg says, money is like thunder to lightning. It’s an echo of providing value. I would add: you can’t provide value until you understand values.
Donn: What’s next for you?
Dan: To tell you the truth, I don’t know. I’m less concerned about “next” and more focused on “now.” And I can tell you that though “now” continues to bring changes, it feels good to be living in congruence with my values. That’s just a fancy way to say that I feel like me and my life fit now.
Reading Reflections
So Many Books, So Little Time
I’ll tell you honestly, I have had little time for reading in the last couple of weeks. You’ll see more about why in the next section. Rather than go into depth on a single book I’m actually reading, I’m going to share with you the books that have caught my eye in the last couple of weeks that have led me to buy them and stock them on my Kindle. I will go deeper on at least a few of these in coming issues.
By the Seat of Your Pants: Secrets of Discovery Writing by KimBoo York. This is a writing craft book that has applications to life. There is a continuum in terms of how professional writers manage their craft from Discovery Writing to Outline Writing. It’s colloquially differentiated as Pantsers vs. Plottsers. Outliners want to know where the plot is going before they start writing, whereas Discovery Writers will start with interesting characters in an interesting situation and then follow them around to see what happens. (It’s more complicated than that, but that gives you the flavor.) Few if any writers fall purely on one end or the other of that spectrum, but most tend toward one end or the other. Most writers of my acquaintance are more on the Pantsers end, but more has been written on how to do the Plotting approach. I’m looking forward to digging into this one, and if it goes beyond mere writing craft for a more general application, I will share this one in a future issue.
Take Back Your Life: A Caregiver’s Guide to Finding Freedom in the Midst of Overwhelm by Loren M. Gelberg-Goff. I’m not alone in this. According to the website “A Place for Mom,” 17% of the U.S. adult population engages in unpaid care to an adult over 50. That doesn’t even include people like me who provide unpaid care to a disabled child or young adult. At the moment, I spend 36 hours a week taking care of my 21-year-old severely disabled daughter, which can easily turn into 60 hours any given week, as well as significant time helping my partially disabled wife. In brief, I am overwhelmed. I don’t want to be underwhelmed (I also deal with depression). I just would like to be whelmed. I’m hoping this one will give me some strategies.
I have several fiction titles I’m reading, including A Canadian Werewolf in New York and Only Monsters in the Building, both by Mark Leslie. Both are part of the Canadian Werewolf series. I’ve started on the first one and find it intriguing and entertaining, just a fun read well written. If you’re into urban fantasy, this is a great series for you. If you’re not into werewolf books, neither am I. These use werewolf tropes to dig into questions of human relationships and motivations in ways that more straightforward books can make boring. I’ll share more in a later issue.
Passages and Pathways
Whenever One Door Closes…
In the last issue, I mentioned needing to clear out my college office. I’ve done a bit of writing since then, though not as much as I have done or plan to do. The office thing took a lot more time than planned, but I got it done. I’m going to take it easy for a week or two, and then get back into the flow of what works best for me, i.e., writing daily, even if just a little bit.
I have thrown out much of what was in the office, boxed 80% of what was left to trade at a used bookstore or donate. Over the next couple of days I’ll haul that 80% away from the temporary storage space the campus dean graciously let me use to meet the “move out” deadline, and then a day to bring the 20% home. In the next issue I’ll develop an idea I’ve thought about all the while I worked at clearing out the office: what if there’s no “next”? That’s not as dark as it sounds on the surface. You’ll see what I mean as I flesh it out next time.
I admit to feeling something significant. Regular readers know I took a year off last year for medical reasons, so I had several months when I didn’t have to worry about a class schedule. I’m there again, but this feels different. Faculty at my college (as I still think of it) report back on August 12. It feels good not to have to worry about that. I’ll be able to see, instead, what’s going on with the folks at Agile Manufacturing and their interactions both at work and at the Java Oasis. We’ll even visit with Dan some more.
Speaking of Dan, this might be worth mentioning. His wife, Grace, played significant but small roles in both 3 Year Old and Medium Well, and has so far not shown up at all in Real Speak. But she is quietly working in the background, and will serve as one of the central characters in the fourth book in The Sparklight Chronicles, tentatively entitled Hurting Hands, Healing Hearts. I don’t know what she’s going to do—after all, as I told you, I’m more of a Discovery Writer. But I can tell you she has her own story to tell, with some surprises I already know about. I can’t wait to find out what’s in that note Callie left her.
Donn King is The Confidence Cultivator. He is the author of The Sparklight Chronicles series of business parables (DonnKing.com/Books) and a professor of communication studies (which means “a professor of standing up in front of people and saying stuff”). He’s also a pastor, a speaker, and a communication coach. Reach out to donn@donnking.com to see how he could help you increase your impact, gain influence, and build your career.
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